Wednesday, January 12, 2011


NOTE: I wrote this up back during our stay in the hospital. I never got around to posting it, but reading through it again brings such strong emotions to the surface- I wanted to share my testimony of God's love with any who might read this.


I have felt such an overwhelming sense of gratitude during this whole ordeal with Christian. Sunday we attended a very brief sacrament meeting at the hospital. It was an amazing experience.
Upon walking in, I felt such a strong, special spirit there. Only those presiding/conducting/presenting were in Sunday dress. The rest of us were in casual street clothes and hospital gowns. Its likely that very few of the attendees had spent more than 5 min 'prepping' themselves. Some of us hadn't even looked in a mirror for a few days. All of us felt heavy burdens.
We looked exhausted, beaten, needing the uplifting we had faith we would receive. All of us were so concerned, so focused on the little ones we were there for that our personal selves simply faded away. The lucky ones of us had our little ones sitting beside us. Several of us didn't.

As I sat there with my sweet boy, the prelude music played sweet primary songs. I looked around- seeing the remarkable, humble people- I felt privileged to be in their company. A few kids were hooked up to IVs, a few in wheelchairs.

I felt so strongly the purity of children. It was as if the Savior was to be anywhere, he would be here. Here with his younger brothers and sisters. Here with the suffering, the weak.

As I looked around, I wondered at the stories of each person there. What circumstances brought us here together. And I felt strongly that Heavenly Father knows. He knows each of us, what we're going through- and He cares. He cares so much. He knows EACH of us. Individually. Personally. He loves us.

I am full of such tremendous gratitude for my life- this very point of time. While I would not wish the pain and agony on anyone, I am grateful for it. I am grateful for my husband, for his love and support. I am so very, very grateful for his job and for his incredible employers- for their loving understanding- that he is able to take off so much time to come up and be with us.
I am grateful that he loves me, that he is in such pain over our son- because he loves him.

I am grateful for a huge family support system. For a mother in law who, without question is watching Chan and anna- for what was 'possibly going to be an overnighter'- which has now lasted nearly 2 weeks. I am grateful for my parents- their huge concern, their prayers.

I am so, so grateful for a sister who dropped everything and DROVE ALONE with 2 kids from Washington state to be a support to me. Who has come to visit me every day that Patrick has been gone. I am grateful for a sister in Texas who was wanting to do the same.

I am grateful for brothers and their families who have come to visit- to cheer Christian and I. Who are doing their best to love and comfort.

I am grateful for a ward who has united in a fast for our little boy.

I am grateful for so many friends who are letting us know of their love. Who are offering prayers in our behalf.

I am so grateful to be alive now. Today. For the medical and technological advances which have been made that allow my son to be helped.

I am grateful for my Savior. That he died for me. For my baby. That because of Him- because of His love- regardless of how this all turns/ed out- I will have my baby with me forever. I will always be able to be his mama. That one day Christian's body will return to its perfected state. That he will walk again, play again. That he will be completely seizure free- because he will be perfected. As Christ is.

I am grateful especially that God has blessed me to be able to feel gratitude at this time. Things could be so, so much worse. I am grateful for the closeness to heaven that I have been able to experience here in this white, hospital room. For the closeness of my Savior. For his arm around me. Around my boy.

I am grateful.

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